Who wants a free ticket for Blankets & Wine?
make a funny comment to this post before 11.00 am March 2 and you might win a free ticket 🙂
ps
all participants will be subscribed to Nairobi Now’s weekly newsletter – hopefully you’ll find it useful
Who wants a free ticket for Blankets & Wine?
make a funny comment to this post before 11.00 am March 2 and you might win a free ticket 🙂
ps
all participants will be subscribed to Nairobi Now’s weekly newsletter – hopefully you’ll find it useful
Josiah: hi Paul, could you help me with your phone I call my girlfriend?
Paul: Just hit the redial button 🙂
won’t post an update about the rain. Last time I was told nina weave-u
Freddie FailedKCSE is Coz he thought the maji maji rebellion was a strike by the Nairobi Water and Sewerage Company… hahahaha
Instead of having MBWA KALI signs at our gates, just write: NYERI WOMAN LIVING HERE….lol
Christine and Anto were told by there funs, ” Mukitaka kuperform Vizuri na watu waenjoy @blanketsandwine, lazima mue na tumaini”…..eh the two thought and asked, “tu maini twa ngombe ama Mbuzi SMH
hahahaha
Con:Beba beba tao mbao beba!
Chic:Ati ngapi?
Con:Mbao supuu..
Chic: (flirty)Aii si kumi?
Conda to Driver:Eh Dere ebu inua kabla tuambukizwe ujinga hapa!
Stude:Kuna kiti?
Conda:(Irritated)Apana Ingia ukalie notebook yako ama uchore kiti kwa paper ukalie!
Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes. It’s our job to stomp them, and then keep them in the dark until they mature. And hopefully they’ll turn out to be something we would like to have dinner with.
Kienyeji chic with brown teeth
Conda:Beba beba!Madam tuishie ni 70!
Chic:Ati 70!Mschew Ju mutanipea chai?
Conda:Apana tutakupatia toothbrush na toothpaste!Dere orah!
Cute Chic standing outside wilson>
Conda:Beba beba madam unaenda?
Chic:Sneers, rolls eyes and mschewwws>
Conda: Unaringa na wewe ni makanga wa ndege?Dere inua!
Beba beba tao beba!
Dada:Tao ngapi?
Conda:40
Dada:Si 30?Nina 30 chukua tu Yesu atakubariki.
Conda:Amen!Lakini sasa (singing)tembea na yesu dada
Keeping your sanity incheck is telling your boss ”its not the voices in my head that bother me, its the voices in YOUR head that do”.
Naona Unafikiria KUOGA Leo Tena.
Ushawahi Fanya Hesabu Ya Hiyo
Process??? Hebu Fikiria: –
kumaliza Sabuni,
-kuongeza Bill
Ya Maji
-kujiona Uchi
-kuchafua
Towel
-kuzeesha Nguo
-Na Bado Usisahau Uko Katika Mtandao
Mkubwa Wa Kuambukizwa Homa.
FIKIRIA Achana Na Mpango Wa
KUOGA OVYO OVYO!!! EPUKA HOMA!
A LUO MAN LUV LETTER
Dear Akinyi, I Have Excellently Juxtaposed
Myself At My Favorite Corner At
This Juncture,
This Opportune Time To Narrate
To You The Status Of My
Emotional Condition And The Position Of My Heart
Vis-a-Viz My Lovely Lady. Atoti! It Has Been Exactly Two
Years, Twenty Three Days, Four
Hours And
Seven Minutes From The Day
That My Sight Landed
Unavoidingly On Your Well Endowed External Outline. In All
This Time My Feelings Have
Surpassed
Everything To Become True Love.
My Love For You Nyako Has
Grown Deeper Than The Still Waters Of NAM-LOLWE
The Place Where NYAMGODHO
Fished Out The Love Of His Life. Nyathijomoko! As I Write To You I
Am Smiling, Thinking Of Your
Beauty For
Which I Have Always Thanked
God. The Day I Met You, That
Your Beauty Struck Me Like Lightening As My Body
Felt Weak And My Heart Skipped
A Beat.
Speaking Of God, I Must Admit
That He Must Have Held
CONSULTATIONS With Me Albeit In My Dreams Because He
Created You In The Very Same
Way I Have
Always Described The Woman Of
My Dreams. Physically Endowed,
Full Chest, Beautiful And Big Brown Eyes,
White Teeth Like CHA-CHIEW! YAYE NYADUNDO! You Are The
Love Of My Life, The Reason Of
My Being, The Very Essence Of
My Existence. NYAR JO MWANDU!
You Enrich My Life With Your
Ever Present And Beautiful Smile. You Are My Wealth And With You
In My Life The Likes Of BILL GATES
And CARLOS SLIM Are Below My
Average. Baby You Are The
Answer To All My Questions, In
Fact With You, I Have More Answers Than
Questions. You Are My Google.
You Are The DOT In My Email
Address And The
Only Number On My Mailing Box.
Sweetheart! You Have Made My Life
Superliciously Outstanding And
Because Of You I Have Become
The Subject Of
Envy To Men Like OBAMA,
CLINTON, MANDELA And Even JAKOM RAILA Himself. RAPUDO! When I First Set My Eyes
On You I Knew I Wanted To Be
Your Slave. To
Run Far And Long, Day And Night
For Your Heart More Than
KIPCHOGE KEINO Could Ever Run For The GOLD.
NYARJOKAOCHA! My Love For You
Has Grown
Exponentially And Multi-purposely
In All This Time. I Love You More
Than An OKUYU Loves MBECHA; I Value You
More Than A MAASAI Values His
CATTLE; I
Adore You More Than A LUHYA
Adores His UGALI,CHICKEN And TEA;
I Want You More Than RAILA Wants To Be PRESIDENT And I Will
Always Defend You More Than A
MERU Would Ever Defend His
MIRAA. NYANDUSE – SAL ..ii YAWA!!!
BREAKING NEWS: RIHANNA is pregnant.
Yes! Yes! it is true. Rihanna
yesterday admitted to being
pregnant and said that she is
more than capable to take
care of the child. Rihanna came clean after confrontation
by the Employers Wife as to
how this had happened.
Rihanna Onyango, a house girl
from Bondo admitted to
having had an affair with the her Employer Mr Owino.
Ujinga NI kuenda church na chai juu yesu ni mkate wauzima
3 Things you must not hear the Doctor speak in an operation theatre.
1) Now if this is the kidney and that is the liver, what the heck is this?
2) Now where is Page 5 of this manual?
3) Shoo shoo black dog, come away with that piece, thats not your food.
Antoneosoul, Lira and Atemi walk into a bar, “what will you be having?” asks the bartender
“Blankets and Wine” they say
TRANSLATED MOVIE TITLES TO SWAHILI
The Exorcist – Babu Wa Loliondo
Final Destination – Tumefika Rongai
Mission Imposible – Huwes Mek
The Godfather – Papa Shirandula
Spartacus – Sipati Kazi
Gone in 60 seconds – Hawker Ameona Kanjo
Scream – Francis Atwoli
Boston Legal – Vioja Mahakamani
Kings Speech – Mavi ya Kuku
Vampire Diaries – Kumbu Kumbu za Onyancha
Anaconda – Eric Omondi
Desperate Housewives – Chamaa
District 9 – Eastleigh
Transformers – Vigeugeu
Diary of a Mad Black Woman – You Should Know People
Men in Black – Maboyz wa South Sudan
The Smurfs – Family ya Sang.
Slumdog Millionare – Ringtone
The usual suspects – Ocampo 4
Cinderella and the Seven dwarfs-Julie Gichuru na Sang Wasaba
The Hangover – Kwani Jana Kuliendaje?
The Godfathers— G’ai fafa!
Mr Bean – Bwana Madondo
Gone in 60 seconds- G4S
Commando-ngothaless.
Beowulf – Bifwoli
Two & a half Men- Ruto, Uhuru & Sang
Pirates Of the Caribbean – Al Shabaab
Star Wars- Kuna Nuru Gizani
Escape from Sorbibor – Henry na Ali kaonekaniwa
Aliens vs Cowboys – kuhamishwa Eastleigh
Mwalimu:Tunga sentensi ukitumia maskini.
Mwanafunzi: Tulienda disco kama tumevalia Maskini jean
You know you’re a slave when you’re in a matatu texting your boss that you’ll be late, when a thief snatches your phone through the window and instead of shouting, “mwizi”, you shout, “FINYA SEND! FINYA SEND!!
and….. the lucky one today is… Jarel
Congratulations!! enjoy blankets and wine 🙂
WOOHOO!!! 😀 How do I get the ticket?
A blonde was sitting outside a
store on the curb crying..the
manager of the store spotted her
outside and went outside and
asked the
blonde whats wrong…she said her
mother just died..and the manager
said oh I’m sorry.. the blondes cell
phone starts to ring and she
answers it and says hello..omg!
are you serious!.. and she hangs
up and the manager asks her who
that was and the blonde
says…that
was my sister…her mom just died
too!
spotted in kenya every day. a girl wearing a pencil jeans n rubber shoes na vyenye she hated drawing. keep your art in your fittins